Karl Edwards presents Working Matters

Tag: confidence

  • Loving Monday: Wishing You Were More

    loving_monday

    Have  you ever thought that you should be more than you are? More experienced, more skilled, more relational, more organized, etc.?

    Our hiring practices can lead us to believe that there are ideal people out there somewhere. And we mistakenly conclude that we are not one of them.

    We compare diverse, complex individuals against our idealized preferences as laid out in a depersonalized list of job responsibilities, qualifications, and characteristics.

    (We’ll leave the disasters and complications that such a process creates for the hiring process for another article.)

    For today, though, I want to look at how we inadvertently buy into and compare ourselves with these idealized myths of the omni-competent professional.

    Well of course we always come up short against such an unfair and unrealistic comparison.

    Many of us react by thinking we should be other than we are… more than we are. We think we are lacking in some regard, deficient, or inadequate.

    The result of such thinking is disastrous.

    Once we believe that we are not enough or wish that we were more than we are, we begin behaving accordingly. We sabotage our own well-earned giftedness, (more…)

  • Loving Monday: Trusting Yourself

    loving_mondayIf you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?

    For many things like confidentiality, favorite foods, and things to fear, most of us have no problem trusting ourselves above all other voices.

    But for other things, like working style, decision-making, creativity, and work quality, too many of us seem to believe that there exist standards, criteria and models of excellence to which we must aspire—and until we attain—we must in the mean time defer to those who do.

    The main problem is that these ones who do… do not exist either.

    In other words, we are comparing ourselves to standards and models who do not exist.

    Worse than that, the people, bosses, gurus, etc. who are judging us as inadequate, are faking it themselves.

    Faking it, though, is too strong a word. Some are faking it, to be sure. Others are simply going about their business being themselves. They are not pretending to be doing anything “right” or “best” or “successfully”. They are showing up, diving in, and leaving all that self-consciousness at the door.

    So when I title this article “Trusting Yourself”, I am not talking about putting on bravado, arrogance, elitism, or making decisions in a vacuum in order to demonstrate your competence.

    I am talking about an unforced and unrehearsed comfort in one’s skills, training, character and judgment. A calm confidence that who I am is enough.

    Comfortable with all that I do and do not bring to the table, I offer my opinions boldly, I listen attentively, I participate actively, I interact respectfully.

    My goal is to increasingly trust myself to be fully me. Do you trust yourself?

    Or are you haunted by the myths, standards, and messages of success, effectiveness and capabilities suggested by others?

    On your side,

    – Karl Edwards

    If you would like to discuss your situation in more detail, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

    Loving Monday is a weekly column designed to encourage us to step into our weeks with an intention to show up authentically, engage fully, and choose to make it a good week for ourselves. Explore past columns here.

  • Thought Leaders Unpacked -> The Answer to How is Yes #7: Claiming Full Citizenship

    thought-leadersThis is the chapter my soul has been waiting for.

    While the process of “growing up” didn’t sit well with Block, it describes my internal state incredibly well.

    I can feel the tension between complaining that positional leaders don’t see me on the one hand, and simply, freely, and boldly taking action on my values, convictions and ideas on the other.

    I can also feel the personal grief and internal resistance to Block’s assertion that growing up involves accepting “that living out our values and also winning the approval of those who have power over us, is an unfulfillable longing.”

    I don’t know where that “longing” comes from, but I can recognize it in myself.

    This is what I love about reading together. I get the opportunity to recognize in the vocabulary, experiences, and frames of reference of others what I have up until now not been seeing in myself.

    Block points to a different sort of maturity here. I would call is a form of poise. A centeredness. A peace about who I am and how different I am from most everyone around me.

    The significance of this poise is that suffices for taking bold action regardless of (more…)

  • Loving Monday: Choosing Self-Confidence When Struggling

    loving_mondayNothing beats a vote of confidence in yourself.

    Sure the confidence of others is impactful and inspiring, but it pales in comparison to the lift and strength and sheer power of believing in oneself.

    My reflections today are not the frothy overflow of a series of easy successes. (If I hear one more consultant talk about where they are vacationing, I’m going to scream.)

    On the contrary, these thoughts arise from having to reach deep into the well of courage, character and inner strength when instead of riding on the crest of the wave I feel like I’m being crushed underneath it.

    The problem with relying on others to undergird one’s confidence is that it risks assuming that their estimation of you matters more than your own.

    The thinking goes something like this: While believing in oneself is “nice”, it’s others’ positive opinions that truly validate your value, competence, or performance.

    Do you see the irony? While receiving a feel-good of sorts from the positive feedback, you have inadvertently ceded authority of your own worth to others. A small emotional lift at an exorbitant personal cost.

    In tough times, when reality seems to conspire against you and confidence flags, it’s important to find ways to assert, nurture, and/or muster a word of confidence to yourself before turning to others.

    When turning to others (of course we need a supportive network of friends and colleagues), you want their support to build and corroborate your confidence, not replace or overrule yours.

    The distinction may seem subtle, but it is significant.

    Give yourself the gift of a vote of confidence today!

    On your side,

    – Karl Edwards

    Loving Monday is a weekly column designed to encourage us to step into our weeks with an intention to show up authentically, engage fully, and choose to make it a good week for ourselves. Explore past columns here.

  • Loving Monday: The Bigger Truth About You

    loving_mondayIt’s true, your boss should have noticed your initiative and responded with a promotion or a raise. It’s true.

    It’s true, your client should have noticed that your project came in on time and under budget and paid you promptly and given you promising referrals as well. It’s true.

    It’s true that your co-workers should have noticed how you help out and responded by returning the favor. It’s true that your spouse should have noticed your hard work and responded with more affirmation and confidence.

    It’s true.

    While it is true that others often get it wrong about you, it is not true that they need to get it right about you before you can move forward, find your way, or achieve success.

    The bigger truth about you is that you have to step to the plate again even if you aren’t being noticed, appreciated, rewarded or supported.

    The bigger truth about you is that no one can either be you or fully grasp what having you on the team means.

    Therefore, if in your discouragement you pull out of the team, withdraw from the game, or withhold what you have to contribute while everyone will miss out, only (more…)

  • Loving Monday: Remembering The Truth About You

    loving_mondayFor too many people these days, Monday morning does not begin a new week at work. Monday begins a new week of looking for work.

    Having a bad job can wear one down, but having no job can wear one out.

    The experience of repeated rejections is difficult not to make personal and internalize.

    We lose confidence. We lose energy. We begin to think that we might be the problem and not the economy.

    It is in this situation that Monday becomes a weekly opportunity to pause and remind ourselves of the truth. The truth about ourselves, our skills, our capabilities and our character. The truth about the job market. 12% unemployment is unparalleled in our working lives. This is no ordinary cyclical recession that we can wait out.

    The title of the column, “Loving Monday,” almost sounds like someone is mocking our pain. How can we love beginning another week of hustling ourselves to a working world that has curled up into a fetal position in the corner until some undisclosed future time when it feels safe to make commitments again?

    The truth, though, is that you are a valuable professional. You bring a marvelous set of skills, perspectives, experiences, personality, attitude, and competencies.

    Regardless of the economic reality by which so many businesses find themselves constrained, you have value. Enormous value.

    This fact is the truth that needs to be reengaged each Monday morning as you launch another strenuous week of telephone calls, letters, emails, coffees, lunches, networking efforts, and interviews.

    While always tiring, while sometimes discouraging, while occasionally depressing, our continued job hunting efforts nonetheless give credence to the larger truth. The truth that we have value.

    If you need a more personal reminder of the deeper truth of your value, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

    On your side,

    – Karl Edwards

    Loving Monday is a weekly column designed to encourage us to step into our weeks with an intention to show up authentically, engage fully, and choose to make it a good week for ourselves. Explore past columns here.

  • Loving Monday: You Are a Gift

    loving_mondayYou are a gift.

    This is one of the most important truths of work and life.

    If you don’t believe this one simple fact, you’re swimming upstream when there’s a current available to carry you.

    There is no one quite like you, and we need you.

    Do you believe that? Do you believe that this morning?

    You bring the gift of who you are to the workplace today. Your character, your skills, your cleverness, your passion, your insights, your experience, and the list goes on.

    This is no superficial pep talk. This belief (or disbelief) is a game changer.

    It can’t be faked. It can’t be bought. It can’t be wished into being.

    People who believe they are a gift behave differently. Their confidence is not a performance. Their confidence is a reflection of their inner calm.

    When you already believe at a deep level in the value you bring to the table, then you don’t have to expend any effort to prove it. You are freed up to be present in the moment with the people and issues at hand.

    You are not wondering if you should speak up in order to be seen as an active participant. You are not deciding how to modulate your voice in order to sound knowledgeable. You are not jockeying for a seat next to the manager. You are not interrupting others, criticizing others, or belittling others in order to appear powerful.

    You are free. Free to pay attention to the matters at hand. Free from having to establish to yourself what you already know at a deep deep level.

    To be a gift does not mean that you are everything. To be a gift does not mean you are perfect or the best.

    Because the gift is you. To be a gift is to be yourself. To believe you are a gift is to believe that you need to show up at work today. The real you. All of you. Nothing held back.

    I wish I worked with you. Because I know a real gift will be present and I want to be a part of the experience. The gift of you.

    You are a gift.

    On your side,

    – Karl Edwards

    Loving Monday is a weekly column designed to encourage us to step into our weeks with an intention to show up authentically, engage fully, and choose to make it a good week for ourselves. Explore past columns here.

  • Quote to Consider: What is Peace the Presence Of?

    quote-to-consider“Peace is not an absence of war, it is a virtue, a state of mind, a disposition for benevolence, confidence, justice.”

    Benedict Spinoza

  • No Teasing Whore, This Angel

    Inhaling deep wafts of the morning mist, I push my way into the day—that now familiar mix of courage and impotence coloring each step.

    Foreign are the airs of confidence and self assurance that others seem to wear so effortlessly. But I press forward. Destiny’s beckoning promise continues to visit in the night, dancing gracefully along the horizon of my imagination. My appreciation for this encouraging angel erases every suggestion that she is but a teasing whore.

    I am different. I am different for a reason. I am different because I have something to do. I have something I must do.

    First published in Nuance Alley, April 2004.