Awkward.

Offensive.

Destructive.

Some people seem to live as if they’re the only ones on the planet.

They are oblivious or insensitive to how their behavior affects others.

How then do we communicate that their actions or words hurt, offend or harm us?

Suffice to say that waiting until you blow up in an explosion of rage is not very effective.

What is appropriate when confronting the inappropriate?

This week Claudia discuss confronting inappropriate behavior in the workplace.

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.

Granted confrontation will probably never be anyone’s favorite task.

What, though, if confrontation were a mere ordinary, matter-of-fact, and mundane task? Just another workplace reality whenever diverse people and complex systems overlap. Ho hum.

Could fear and anger be making confrontation more difficult and dangerous than it really need be?

Join Claudia and I as we begin a new discussion series entitled, Confrontation for Those Who Don’t Like Confrontation.

Maybe we simply need to change our vocabulary. Instead of “confrontation” we could call it, “talking about difficult issues,” “informing others of your boundaries,” or “clearing up misunderstandings.”

Problems are to be expected in the workplace. Confrontation should be a normal and dispassionate form of communication that takes place more often than not. Confrontation should be a helpful and constructive activity not a scary or dangerous one. Confrontation should help us work through our problems earlier and more effectively rather than letting them fester and compound.

Confrontation for Those Who Don’t Like Confrontation
Week #1: Making Confrontation Normal
Week #2: Confronting Inappropriate Behavior
Week #3: Confronting Unacceptable Work
Week #4: Confronting Not Pulling One’s Weight
Week #5: Confronting Misunderstandings

How do you feel about confrontation?

Listen in.

More painful for the new leader than probably anything else is being unpopular.

Accepting a promotion would involve choosing to put myself in this awkward place vis-a-vis my team where my decisions might evoke negative reactions.

The promotion is attractive because I anticipate being successful, making good decisions, and being enthusiastically appreciated for doing so.

And yet, deep within, we know reality is not so simple. Reality is that we cannot please everyone.

A wise question to ask oneself is how will one respond to the negative reactions, both those with substance and those without.

More germane to this week’s discussion, though, is asking whether you are avoiding the responsibility of leadership in order to avoid the unpopularity that often goes along with it?

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.

“They’re looking for a fall guy. I’m going to be given the responsibility of turning around the division without the necessary resources and support and then blamed for not fixing what they prefer would stay broken.”

The third ordinary fear that we try to mask when avoiding success is the fear that we are being used or taken advantage of.

Exploitation is a management reality. It happens. We use our executives. We take the credit when they perform and point the finger when they fail. I’m not excusing the practice. But it takes place. To deny it is both foolish and dangerous.

We can choose to step into that reality and treat it as one of many challenges to be faced, or we can avoid that reality and protect ourselves from being harmed.

The problem with going through our careers protecting ourselves from harm, is that we also protect ourselves from opportunities. In this week’s show, Claudia and I look at how fear of being harmed becomes an excuse for some to avoid new professional challenges. What about for you?

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.

Politics is a management reality that will give us as much challenge as it does headaches.

Learning to face reality is a different process than becoming adept at avoiding it. The reality of office politics too often degrades into a no-win blame game. When something goes awry it seems the leaders focus first on whom to blame and then on what happened or what needs to happen next.

Again, it is normal to experience some fear when such craziness affects your job. We are not interested in helping you not feel something which is perfectly normal to feel when the powerful act like children.

What Claudia and I discuss in this week’s show is how we actually step away from our own leadership opportunities in order to avoid experiencing this ordinary fear.

Don’t let the fear of being unfairly blamed hold you back from the very opportunity you’ve been waiting and working for!

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.

Even if the promotion is long overdue. No matter how qualified we believed we were before receiving the promotion, after we get the promotion the first ordinary fear that we have trouble owning is the possibility that we may not be able to perform.

I identify the fear as “ordinary” precisely because it is so difficult to name in our culture of pseudo-alpha confidence. We feel we shouldn’t experience fear of failure if we’re ready for the professional challenge of advancement.

The problem is not experiencing the fear of failure. The real problem is not being able to be honest with oneself about the fact that one is, in fact, feeling fear.

As a result we sabotage our own success by putting on a false bravado and confidence. We use this superior knowledge of ours to talk ourselves out of accepting the promotion for other reasons. Not enough pay. Not enough budget. A booby trap. A bad boss.

In this week’s show, Claudia and I look at this ordinary fear and find that we destroy its power by acknowledging its presence. Instead of making up excuses for refusing a challenging promotion, you can step into the challenge and succeed even if a bit nervous.

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.

We’ve been wanting a promotion for some time now. We feel ready. We know we could do better than our boss.

But when the time comes, and the promotion is offered, we decline the opportunity. We wisely discern it is too much work given the pay, not enough budget given the responsibilities, and a trap to avoid.

What’s going on here?

Are we really declining the very opportunity we’ve been working and waiting for?

Join Claudia and I as we discuss four fears that can undermine our career ambitions.

Perfectly normal human fears that might get triggered in perfectly normal management situations can work against us unless we arm ourselves ahead of time.

Don’t inadvertently decline the opportunity that you are perfectly ready to take on!

Avoiding Success. Four Fears That Hold Us Back
The Fear of Failure
The Fear of Blame
The Fear of Harm
The Fear of Not Being Liked

Listen in.

How does a leader speak boldly without robbing others of their voices?

Who gets a voice in the conversation of work, leadership, collaboration and the goals of the organization?

We conclude our series with Marion Skeete of LegacyMakers International with a discussion about how difficult it is for most leaders to surrender their excitement about their own personal ideas in order to pay attention to and incorporate the ideas of the rest of the team.

How does the leader stand with integrity in the tension between owning their responsibility to show up, engage and lead on the one hand, and showing deep respect for the participation, contribution, and dreams of the wider community on the other?

Could the leader’s empowerment to lead be woven into how well they empower the community to embrace the stewardship of their own lives?

How do you view the role of the leader?

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.

Is the leader so ordained because she is better, smarter, more knowledgeable, better in any way than everyone else on the team or in the community?

Does following a leader involve turning off our brains and compliantly doing what we are told?

Is the leader the author of a vision that emerges from his or her own imagination? Or is the leader the servant of a vision that emerges from the unfolding story of the community?

In week 4 of our series on Visionary Leadership with Marion Skeete our discussion turns to the voices that are and are not included in the conversation about where we are going and how we do things.

Could it be arrogant and inappropriate for the leader to assume that anyone who cannot get on board with the leader’s vision is better off not being in the community or organization at all?

If you feel like you’re on the outside of your organization looking in, then this show is for you.

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.

Are you as tired as I am of hearing leaders complain about resistance to change?!

The leader is always right and the people are always wrong. It’s the leader’s job to effect change by bringing the people running gratefully out of their “wrong” and into the leader’s “right.”

Anyone who voices any practical or conceptual problem with the leader’s vision is labeled, “resistant to change.” It’s as if the story was about the leader!

Enter Marion Skeete of LegacyMakers International for week three of our discussion on Visionary Leadership.

What if the story, in fact, belonged to the community?

What if the unfolding future was comprised of the real life unfolding stories of the individuals, families, teams and organizations that leaders serve?

What if the only conversations about the future that might really result in change were those conversations that included the people who were themselves maturing into those changes?

Vision would not be something dreamed up by the leader in isolation and announced one day, but something already transpiring that the leader observes and articulates in such a way that helps the community interact, engage, and embrace.

What if catalyzing change involved nurturing an already existing ember, rather than pouring fuel on a damp wood and striking a match?

Listen in.

Just now joining the conversation? Catch up on the entire series here.