What feelings does this picture stir?
Reflect for a moment before reading on.
Words matter.
Even words to ourselves.
Especially words to ourselves.
We tend to underestimate the power of words. We casually throw out phrases like, “I’m a klutz” or “I’m bad with names” or “I’m just an average Joe or a plain Jane.” We aren’t totally serious in one sense, but in another we are expressing some inner dis-ease we are feeling.
Before going into how such talk might not be serving us well, I want to affirm that the feelings, experiences, and beliefs about ourselves that underlie much of our negative self-talk are very real. I do not want to minimize or invalidate the reality of those feelings, experiences or beliefs in the least.
We do ourselves two disservices, though, when we are not gracious with our self-talk. We buy into a lie, and we let ourselves off the hook.
First, we buy into a lie—a false frame of reference that is diminishing, disempowering and ultimately crippling.
Words have power. If they are coming forward, then they are coming forward from somewhere within you. If you put yourself down, then you are in some sense repeating a negative judgment about yourself. To the extent that you repeat these words, you are laying yet another brick on a wall enclosing you in a very small room.
Why do this to yourself? While positive self-talk might feel hokey, there is power in saying aloud the attributes of which you are most proud.
Second, we also let ourselves off the hook.
You might have difficulty remembering names, but to stop trying altogether under the rationale that you’re simply bad with names, is an excuse and a cop out. You remove yourself from the game by drawing a defining conclusion about yourself. As if the story is over. The matter settled. Nothing more can be done.
Nothing could be further from the truth! We are changing, developing, maturing beings by nature. We may have traits, tendencies, strengths, and styles, but we are not set in stone.
We need to be careful about drawing defining conclusions about ourselves and giving voice to those conclusions. Such language can become a form of giving up and writing yourself off.
Life is complicated enough without us closing doors and removing options from our own futures.
Let’s choose words about ourselves that celebrate our potential, affirm our values, assert our resolve, announce our intentions, and give form to our dreams.
Words matter.
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