Karl Edwards presents Working Matters

Tag: poise

  • Loving Monday: Wishing You Were More

    loving_monday

    Have  you ever thought that you should be more than you are? More experienced, more skilled, more relational, more organized, etc.?

    Our hiring practices can lead us to believe that there are ideal people out there somewhere. And we mistakenly conclude that we are not one of them.

    We compare diverse, complex individuals against our idealized preferences as laid out in a depersonalized list of job responsibilities, qualifications, and characteristics.

    (We’ll leave the disasters and complications that such a process creates for the hiring process for another article.)

    For today, though, I want to look at how we inadvertently buy into and compare ourselves with these idealized myths of the omni-competent professional.

    Well of course we always come up short against such an unfair and unrealistic comparison.

    Many of us react by thinking we should be other than we are… more than we are. We think we are lacking in some regard, deficient, or inadequate.

    The result of such thinking is disastrous.

    Once we believe that we are not enough or wish that we were more than we are, we begin behaving accordingly. We sabotage our own well-earned giftedness, (more…)

  • Loving Monday: Trusting Yourself

    loving_mondayIf you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust?

    For many things like confidentiality, favorite foods, and things to fear, most of us have no problem trusting ourselves above all other voices.

    But for other things, like working style, decision-making, creativity, and work quality, too many of us seem to believe that there exist standards, criteria and models of excellence to which we must aspire—and until we attain—we must in the mean time defer to those who do.

    The main problem is that these ones who do… do not exist either.

    In other words, we are comparing ourselves to standards and models who do not exist.

    Worse than that, the people, bosses, gurus, etc. who are judging us as inadequate, are faking it themselves.

    Faking it, though, is too strong a word. Some are faking it, to be sure. Others are simply going about their business being themselves. They are not pretending to be doing anything “right” or “best” or “successfully”. They are showing up, diving in, and leaving all that self-consciousness at the door.

    So when I title this article “Trusting Yourself”, I am not talking about putting on bravado, arrogance, elitism, or making decisions in a vacuum in order to demonstrate your competence.

    I am talking about an unforced and unrehearsed comfort in one’s skills, training, character and judgment. A calm confidence that who I am is enough.

    Comfortable with all that I do and do not bring to the table, I offer my opinions boldly, I listen attentively, I participate actively, I interact respectfully.

    My goal is to increasingly trust myself to be fully me. Do you trust yourself?

    Or are you haunted by the myths, standards, and messages of success, effectiveness and capabilities suggested by others?

    On your side,

    – Karl Edwards

    If you would like to discuss your situation in more detail, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

    Loving Monday is a weekly column designed to encourage us to step into our weeks with an intention to show up authentically, engage fully, and choose to make it a good week for ourselves. Explore past columns here.

  • Loving Monday: On Guard!

    loving_monday“Wait a minute! The week hasn’t even begun, and I feel like I’m under seige.”

    There are demands coming from several fronts. There are complaints echoing off the walls. There are attacks spewing from your small and mean-spirited co-workers.

    Before you even have a chance to implement any game plan of your own, you’re knocked off balance and reeling from what feels like an assault on all sides.

    Demands, complaints and attacks are not unusual workplace dynamics. But when they all come at once it can be overwhelming.

    Instead of your usual calm and measured poise, you find yourself angry, defensive, and ready to strike back.

    This is the moment when you need to set down the phone, step outside, and walk around the block three times.

    The first trip around the block is for venting. Wave your arms in the air. Kick a tree or two. Shout out all those colorful adjectives that describe everyone else so (more…)

  • Listen In -> Self Care. A Smart Career Move #5: Keeping Yourself Centered and Attentive

    We conclude our series on self-care as a smart career move with a look at being attentive to how centered (or not) we are.

    The more true we can be to our true selves, the better we can show up at work. If it’s not okay to be who I am, then one of my tasks becomes to pretend to be someone else… to change into someone different than myself. That’s an enormous pressure.

    It’s pressure without poise.

    Poise comes from getting comfortable in your own skin: your own working style, your personal values, your supervision preferences, your areas of interest, your goals and aspirations, your particular skills, etc.

    How centered do you feel as you face the pressures of your working day?

    Listen in.

  • Don’t Let Their Meltdown Become Your Meltdown

    It’s certainly not fun to watch the stock market fall, taking your long term savings and possibly a dream or two with it.

    It’s certainly not comforting to watch entire companies close their doors, creating instant unemployment for not just a few skilled workers.

    And no one likes hearing about anyone losing their home, even in the maddening case when the initial mortgage commitment was irresponsible.

    My question for you is, “Are you letting their meltdown become your meltdown?”

    It’s easy to start worrying about our own job security, financial well-being, and credit issues. But there is a big difference between the sort of reality check some of us need to make us face the facts about our money practices and the sort of shared anxiety based, not on facts, but on the broader climate of uneasiness, fear and panic.

    One question you might want to ask yourself is, “Am I making this decision to make myself feel less anxious today, or is this the best possible choice to help me achieve my short and long term financial goals and commitments?”

    In times of economic stress, it is easy to slip into making decisions in order to make us feel better. This is where we risk allowing their meltdown to become our meltdown.

    What we are looking for is a sense of poise instead of panic. Perspective instead of overwhelm. Strategy instead of fear.

    Poise is both an interior and exterior posture that is steady, balanced and paying attention. Poise is not easily knocked over or thrown off course by the unexpected earthquakes and/or hurricanes of life. Poise involves maintaining one’s composure to better assess the situation, distinguish between fact and fear, and think more clearly.

    Perspective is a vantage point. Perspective involves being able to step back and look at issues from more than one angle. Perspective rejects isolation and consults with safe and experienced friends, associates and professionals.

    Strategy is wisdom committed to action. Strategy discerns urgent issues requiring immediate decisions. Strategy recognizes longer term possibilities and holds or adjusts course accordingly. Strategy does not recoil from difficult decisions, because its validation does not come from needing to feel better right away.

    Validation is the peace that is available from a posture of poise, a vantage point with perspective, and a thoughtful strategy of next steps.

    What are you doing to prevent their meltdown from becoming your meltdown?

  • Listen In -> Decision-Making #4: Becoming More Poised

    How much ego gets wrapped into your decisions?

    Can you imagine how freeing it would be not to have to dedicate so much energy to self-protection? Do you inadvertently avoid making a decision in order to avoid complaints, blame or other consequences of being the one to make the final call?

    In this week’s podcast conversation, we talk about developing a secure poise in decision-making. Join us as we think about being willing to make difficult calls with limited information.

    Listen in.

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  • Leadership is Poise

    PoiseMore than mastering any particular skill, our leadership journeys consist of learning to function with poise.

    Poise is being comfortable and secure, balanced and free. Poise derives its strength, not from the trappings of positional power, but from the beauty of one’s professional integrity. (i.e. being whole and consistent in both character and competencies.)

    Poise is being free to enjoy work and working hard. Poise is prepared to confront crisis, work through problems, and face down difficulties without losing one’s footing. Poise is being able to learn from everyone, even our worst critics, without fear.

    Poise in leadership is a form of being fully alive and totally available for the task we have set for ourselves. Poise in leadership is a magnificently beautiful and deeply fulfilling stance.

    When do you feel most alive and secure at work?

    On your side,

    – Karl