Category: Loving Monday

Life is change.

For those who find change unsettling, unnerving or outright frightening, coming to terms with this fundamental reality can be quite the challenge.

In fact, some of you may not even accept my premise. Life is change. I suggest you reconsider. Much that is frustrating, much that catches us off guard, much that proves to hold us back, arises from our resistance to change.

The issue of interest to me is the direction of change. Change is inevitable, but is it change for the better or change for the worse?

Better being more mature, more deeply or broadly skilled, and more richly connected. Change for the worse being becoming more childish, stale professionally, and increasingly isolated among others.

Viewed as a developmental process, change becomes either a positive dynamic that is worth nurturing or a negative one worth avoiding. The key being you.

Yes, you.

Embracing change is embracing yourself. Who you want to become. What you want to learn and do. Where you want to live and work. With whom you want to partner, collaborate, work and play.

Instead of something to be feared, change becomes the very path toward your future.

Good thing. Because life is change.

It’s no secret that I often struggle to remember what day of the week it is. I don’t know what I’d do if we didn’t have the regular, if somewhat rigid, cycle of seven days to structure the week.

Yes, I said rigid. And yes, that was a hint of resentment you heard in my voice.

But I’m learning (the hard way, of course) that however senseless and arbitrary the seven-day pattern, living within the confines of this “prison” is more liberating than living somehow independent of it.

The supposed freedom I hanker after keeps turning out to be a different sort of prison. That is the prison of having all choices available to me all of the time.

Imagine if every priority had a voice and they were all shouting for attention all of the time. Any time you managed to choose one item to work on, the others immediately demanded that you again justify your exclusive efforts. As a result, you never really enjoy focused effort, but rather find yourself explaining and reexplaining to a pantheon of warring and unending urgencies.

It’s analogous to driving rules. That you can count on the other driver stopping at the red light frees you to maintain your driving speed through your green light. The limitations make more possible not less.

What frustrating limitations, unfair rules, arbitrary structures, or rigid patterns are making you crazy? How might you look at them differently and discover ways in which they might make more possible instead of less.

Today is Monday. The beginning of the work week. However arbitrary, a myriad of decision have already been made for me, freeing me to return to work, pick up where I left off last week, and know that my co-workers will be at my side.

Again, I find myself… loving Monday.

Problems don’t disappear.

In fact, they are quite patient. If anything, they compound in your absence.

Consequently, the sooner we can muster the courage to confront them, the sooner they will be resolved.

Problems are a pain. They involve unhappy people, missed deadlines, resource shortages, unreasonable clients, and a myriad of other complexities, inanities, and no-win alternatives.

To avoid the pain, though, we must face the problem.

Not what you wanted to hear? Soak it in. Chew on it. Roll it between your fingers. Kick it around. Do what you need to do in order to comes to terms with this most fundamental reality that seems to mock us all.

Monday is the day we are forced by the rhythm of the week itself to reengage at work. We can dread going back. Or we can view the return as our opportunity to face down any lingering problems.

Right at the beginning of the week we head off, stare down, take to task, sit down with, and/or set about to deal with whatever it is that might sabotage your efforts.

Courage is the gift you can give to yourself this Monday morning. Courage to move toward instead of flee from. Courage to engage instead of ignore. Courage to show up instead of hide.

Excuse me now. I need to go confront a problem that’s been holding me back.

Since I’ve stopped commuting across town to work, I find myself being recognized at my regular hang-outs.

For me it’s coffee and a writing schedule that form the basis of my most regular stops.

But it’s the delight of being recognized that I want to focus on this morning.

What a great way to start the week. Even if the smile I receive is merely their joy at getting yet another $1.50 from me, I love it.

Given that this is Los Angeles, and the odds of running into a familiar face are close to zero… the gift of recognition is nothing to be sneezed at.

Life is busy, and it is easy to feel invisible as your boss gets wrapped up in outcomes and deadlines, your co-workers are overwhelmed with their own workload, and your clients don’t care who handles their problem as long as it gets handled.

So it can be quite the gift—dare I use the word, “blessing”—to be recognized… even when out and about amongst relative strangers in town.

What are your regular haunts? A coffee house, a donut shop, a grocery store, an office supply warehouse, an electronics store?

If you’re feeling isolated and anonymous in the city, a small change can make a big difference. Today I’m recommending routine and repetition. Breed familiarity with repeated exposure.

Ask your barista how their day is going. Discover the pleasure of being recognized.

I wake up some mornings liking myself more than other mornings.

Today is one of those days. I’ve been thinking, “Man, you are one clever, generous, good-looking young man.”

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But you know what I mean.

The first voices of the day are ones where I believe in me, trust myself, and know that in some yet unknown way it is important that I show up today.

We all know the other days. The days where the first voices are second-guessing, accusing, and/or mocking. As much as these doubting voices set us back, undermine our confidence and sabotage our spirits, the believing voices propel us forward.

So do we simply hope to wake up well each morning? Opening our eyes—oh so slowly—in order to get a sneak peek at whether we’re surrounding by believing “friends” or the defeatist “others.” Is there anything we can do to foster the affirming, centered self-perception and stave off the haunting suspicions that would diminish us?

What do you think?

If only my boss would stop changing his mind at the last minute. If only my partner wouldn’t yell when frustrated. If only she were more organized, he more accurate, they more creative, more patient, more timely, etc. etc. etc.

If only.

If only everyone else would change.

Even though each complaint seems valid enough on its own, when listed together they give one pause. Can it really be that everyone else is holding me back, tripping me up, or getting in my way all of the time?

I call this syndrome the “If Only” approach to life. “If only people and circumstances were different, I would be able to accompish what I know I am capable of doing and become who I know I have the potential to become.”

The problem with the “If Only” approach to life is that it ignores the fact that I am the main player in my own life. To assume that I am not somehow a contributor to the challenges, complications, and/or set-backs in my own life is naive.

In fact, such turning a blind eye to my own involvement in my own life is both irresponsible and outright negligent.

Most importantly, though, this willful ignorance is foolhardy. It is foolhardy because our best opportunity for effecting change is in those matters over which we have some control. Like our own behavior. Our own attitude. Our own values, plans and choices.

Even in contending with all that is outside of our control, our best opportunity is to focus on our reactions and responses instead of wishing the others would somehow change.

It’s not that others’ foul choices should not be addressed or confronted. It’s that the passive hope that my life will get easier if and only when “they” somehow become different is as effective as hoping to win the lottery instead of saving a portion of every paycheck.

Hence the need to turn my attention to my own involvement in my life. My choices. My reactions. My fears. My next steps.

“In only they…” Scratch it from your vocabulary. Let’s all start using, “When I…”

Some of us never miss an opportunity to resent.

Given that it’s Monday, we’ve already lost a good portion of our weekend re-living the crime. “How could he be so cut-throat?” “She knew I wanted that assignment.” “Why doesn’t he pull his weight on this project?”

As real and as wrong as the underlying offenses probably are, some other dynamic is going on that authorizes us to stew within ourselves as the selected available option.

Given that it’s Monday, we would be better served if we don’t let our week begin with such a bitter taste in our mouths. It’s going to color everything we do. It might even poison our attitude in unrelated conversations and collaborations.

We need to come up with some alternatives.

We might just need to let the slight go. Put it behind us so that we can free up our hearts and minds to focus on the task at hand. Write if off for the sake of moving forward.

We might need to talk directly to the person involved. Instead of exploding all over them after we’ve reached our breaking point, we attempt a calm, fact-based conversation about the perceived offense.

We need to get creative. While we didn’t get ourselves into this situation, we are simply wasting time and energy waiting for the blind to see. We need to do something for ourselves. We need to set ourselves free to get back to work. Launch a new week. Enjoy loving what we do.

If you’re catching yourself seizing another opportunity to resent, take a step back. Take a look around. Find a better way forward.