Conflict can be the most difficult situation to tough out.
Let’s remind ourselves we’re discussing conflict in the context of having chosen to stay in our current job. We’re choosing to tough it out because there are more reasons to stay than leave.
Given that, the most difficult realization may be that these problems are not going to go away. We can’t simply wait them out and hope they’ll disappear. We can’t run from them or hide somewhere.
Our best bet is to shift our focus.
Instead of winning, our goal should be understanding. Changing the topic from getting my way to working alongside some awfully difficult characteristics.
If I can understand where a difficult person is coming from, I can engage more strategically.
What do they want? What are they trying to accomplish? What is so important to them?
If I can affirm what is important to them, much of the tension in the relationship gets released and frees both of us to get back on a work-based issue.
What might be going on with that under-performing co-worker who is attacking your motives for working hard? What are reasons your boss might be second-guessing your decisions that are related to his or her needs, priorities or pressures instead of you? What pressures might someone be facing which result in competitive tactics?
What can you affirm about someone you don’t get along with? How might you use that as a basis for getting back to work?
